


This Definitely Counts as Collusion

by kaci3PO



Category: The League (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaci3PO/pseuds/kaci3PO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete is having an unusually good season. Kevin and Jenny decide to woo him in order to get his secrets and prevent Ruxin from making the playoffs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Definitely Counts as Collusion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dafna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafna/gifts).



Pete is having an unusually good season. Kevin is man enough to admit that to both himself and his wife. The man is three weeks from the playoffs and completely undefeated. It's not natural.

"I know it's not," Jenny says, biting her lip. "I don't understand. Is he dating Shiva? Is he serving as The Shiva's personal love slave?"

"He's got like _knowledge_ ," Kevin says. "He _knows things_."

"I have Google News Alerts set up for every single player on any of our teams and every NFL team we're pulling players from. I listen to every podcast, every radio show, and our TV does not leave ESPN while I'm home," Jenny replies. "I 'know' things, too! How is he beating us?"

"He's got a secret," Kevin says. "Somehow, some way, the man has a system."

"We just have to find out what it is," Jenny says, and takes her thumbnail between her teeth, careful not to bite down. "We have to woo him."

"We have to — what?"

"Woo him," Jenny says with that fervor she gets sometimes that's a little scary but also kind of hot in a way that Kevin doesn't want to think too hard about.

"He's not Matthew Berry," Kevin says, rolling his eyes. "Come on, he's Pete. He's not worth wooing."

"Undefeated," Jenny reminds him, emphasizing each syllable.

"Yeah, but —"

"Look, if we don't step it up, Ruxin is going to the playoffs. Do you really want to chance that again? It's time for a Macarthur victory. Without us, this league is in serious danger of becoming dominated by Ruxin. We have to take this one for the team."

Kevin shrugs. "I'm not comfortable sending my wife off to seduce my best friend."

"Not me," Jenny says. "Us."

Kevin laughs. "Oh, right. Sure."

"Like you've never considered it," she scoffs. "I hear the way the guys talk about the two of you. Ruxin's team is literally called Pete Top Kevin Bottom. The man has picked out _positions_."

"That's just...guys yanking each other's chains."

"Then why not Andre and Taco? Andre has drawn Taco naked. Or why not Ruxin and...I don't know, some alternate universe where there are two of him and he can literally go fuck himself? It's just you two."

Kevin shifts uncomfortably. "I don't know. Because we're the Security Council?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "It's gotta be both of us. Unless you want to go it alone, of course."

"What? No, I'm not going to —"

"Then it's both of us," Jenny says firmly. "Tomorrow night, we'll send the kids to my parents' and invite him over for dinner and collusion. Imagine Ruxin winning again. This is better, right?"

"Damn it," Kevin mutters, but nods. "I'll text him."

Jenny pumps the air in victory.

***

If there is anything, ever, that Ruxin has gotten right, it's that Kevin doesn't really do morally ambiguous. Jenny wanted to be secretive and sly and seduce Pete into giving up his secrets on accident; Kevin takes all of their careful planning, all of their hard work, and reduces it to his conscience taking over at the last moment.

"Jenny and I are trying to seduce you!" he blurts out as Jenny scoots a second beer over to Pete.

"You're — what?"

"Collusion," Kevin hisses. "This is — this is _collusion_."

"Damn it, Kevin," Jenny snaps. "You just couldn't keep your mouth shut until Pete gave you something better to do with it, could you?"

"Until I — what is going on?" Pete asks.

"Collusion!" Kevin repeats. "We're seducing you."

Pete looks back and forth between them. "Jenny?"

"We want your secrets," Jenny admits. "It's this or Ruxin makes the playoffs again. I'm tired of Ruxin's face. Aren't you just _tired_ of Ruxin's _face_?"

"It's a pretty terrible face," Pete agrees.

"If you help us, then it's two against one," Jenny says. "Andre has no chance, Taco's been out of any feasible running for weeks...with your system, one of us can make it to the playoffs and Ruxin will be in the running for the Sacko."

"And then we could pick Sacko punishments for him..." Pete says thoughtfully. "Oh. _Oh_."

Jenny nods. "And on top of all of that," she leans back in her chair, uncrossing her legs, and Kevin swallows roughly at the thought of what Pete must be seeing right now. "On top of all of that, you get to find out if it's really vaginal hubris, or if I can put my pussy where my mouth is." She grins slyly. "Or _you_ can put my pussy where your mouth is. Your call."

Pete blinks. "Well. This just took a turn for the — um." He glances at Kevin. "Are you — are you okay with this?"

"It's sort of a package deal," Kevin says, wincing. "Jenny thinks — she thinks you and I —"

"Kevin's got a pretty cock," Jenny reminds Pete. "I think you'll like it."

Pete chokes.

"I — what? Jesus Christ, Jenny."

"Well, it is," she says evenly. "Kevin's got a pretty cock and trust me, it's not vaginal hubris. Tell him, Kevin."

"It's really not," Kevin offers.

"You — you want me to have sex with you in exchange for my secret. You do realize that just the thought of getting to torture Ruxin for the next year if he gets the Sacko is more than enough to convince me to share. There's really no need to bring vaginal hubris and pretty cocks into this."

"Oh," Jenny says. "Really?"

" _Of course_."

Jenny pauses to consider that. "Do you want to have sex with us anyway?"

For the second time in as many minutes, Pete chokes.

***

The details of how they ended up in the bedroom are not important — alcohol, Jenny's vaginal confidence, and a promise of future collusion as necessary to keep Andre and Ruxin out of the playoffs in perpetuity all play a factor and the latter of which results in Pete drunkenly declaring them The Triumvirate as they stumble into the bedroom — but suffice to say...they end up in the bedroom.

***

The details of what happened in that bedroom aren't important either. Kevin doesn't remember most of it anyway, just flashes of skin and sounds that he can't put together with a person. He remembers one thing, though. You don't really forget a guy slurring out, "Holy shit, you really do have a pretty cock!" in an alcohol-blurred voice. You just don't.

***

Pete's secret turns out to be far more intuitive than Kevin's ranking slave self can handle, so Jenny is the one to make it to the playoffs with his help. Kevin doesn't mind too much. Ruxin's playing Andre for the Sacko, so all is right with his world. Funny how sleeping with his best friend was the solution to all of the league's problems. If Kevin had known this was all it would take to finally put an end to Ruxin's pride once and for all, he'd have asked his wife if she'd be cool with a threesome years ago. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like this, Dafna! I loved your DYA letter and couldn't decide which of the two fandoms we share that I wanted to write for you, so I wrote both. Happy Yuletide!


End file.
